nothing helps

strawberries on a blanket cheese crackers wine warm breeze a scene of serenity someones heaven but here i am anxious again? can’t recall her face said weird things still got a kiss my mind is everywhere which country will i end up in should i learn french should i even move again or stay or no which city this year oh why did i say… this racing state helps me write things so maybe i keep it just a little bit thank god i remembered there is no god i reach for void nothing means anything racing slows funny i remember my highschool teacher that smart adult i asked her when does it pass when do we find meaning you know... god was fake didn’t know this before even if he’s real heaven looks boring her eyes got larger she remembers the void we just... live with it how can you come here every day to deal with us you just... don’t think about it and here i am thinking about it to calm down to live more i fuck up i hug the void i panic i get sad over boring things my only crutch void i say some things without thinking echo stops only when i invite void to live to smile everytime i remember i look for void i realized too late it’s looking back